Chernobyl Lesbian (noun):
A futch/chapstick subidentity or archetype shaped by toxic societal exposure which exudes melancholia, at least aestethically.

A Chernobyl lesbian has an almost erotic attachment to collapse, may it be ecological, emotional, or governmental.

Pseudo-academically it is said that the profound, innovative ideologies of the Chernobyl lesbians are heavily influenced by nihilism bordering on pessimism and queer existentialism, with traces of Kantianism.

The Chernobyl Lesbian embodies a sort of post-collapsive hauntology which is blended with physical and psychological fatigue as well as a distinct disidentification with what is commonly referred to as 'hope' by aristocratic plebeians, rich sophists, and capitalistic troglodytes.

Her orientation is not merely sexual but ontological: toward decay and doom (well -- as long as it's sapphic).

According to the non-published papers that never-leading autodidactic scholars in gender studies presented on the not-so-widely acclaimed discussion forum of the Discord server r/LesbianActually, the Chernobyl lesbian presents a visual semiotics of melancholic resistance, blending futch fashion with post-catastrophic affect.

Through the lens of queer theory and anthropology, however, the studies concluded that the Chernobyl lesbian’s wardrobe reflects “a refusal of neoliberal femininity," (meaning baggy clothes and coats).

The Chernobyl lesbian's iconic under-eye circles are often commented as being “not makeup but metabolized grief.”

The Chernobyl lesbian's cheekbones shall hint at malnourishment, not contouring, and any glow is either accidental, ironic, or residual fallout (p < .05)

The Chernobyl lesbian is, without exception, walking in Doc Martens and has the bloodied heels to show for it, and may be spotted reading a paper-back while using public transportation.

She performs a continuous ritualized nicotine consumption, exhibiting both self-soothing rituals and territorial marking within post-industrial liminal spaces.

Her affect is characterized by ambient melancholia, anti-authoritarian distrust, and a persistent state of existential Kafkaesque tragedy manifested through intermittent poetic vocalizations -- often nonconforming to normative verse structures.

Socially, she engages in selective affiliative withdrawal, balancing reluctant intimacy with strategic emotional self-containment, effectively practicing a form of queer emotional bioregulation.

Her interpersonal exchanges often involve coded intertextuality, deploying tragic poetics and philosophical referents as both affective armor and communicative filters. Sometimes she claims to forget to cite them accordingly, thus taking credit for the now plagiarized quotes. 

In movement and posture, however, she adopts what ethologists might term low-energy vigilance: a behavioral phenotype signaling both hypervigilance to socio-ecological threats and a tactical deployment of exhaustion as social resistance.

Her habitual recycling and ecological praxis function as material-symbolic acts of defiance against capitalist biopolitics.

On the INES scale, a Chernobyl lesbian usually identifies as a Level 4, being an accident with local consequences. Make of that what you will.

i) You engage in quotidian acts such as ingestion of caffeine, alcohol, and contemplative smoking. The quote 'Drugs, not disorganization!' speaks to you on a sub-atomical plane of existence.

ii) You are romantically and biologically toxic (or at least toxic in your tenderness) and lovebombs as "a sign of explosive resistance against the current world order".

iii) You fly economy without ecological guilt, knowing it’s the corporations, the governments, the top percent who will murder the earth -- not you, the individual, and never the working people as a collective.

iv) You are, naturally, unionized. 

v) You eat poorly and sleep even less, haunted by insomnia, nightmares, and the slow, unstoppable rot of the world.

vi) You cite Karin Boye, Anna Akhmatova, Marina Tsvetaeva, and Ingeborg Bachmann (Sylvia Plath is too mainstream) on the first date, and Erich Fromm, Emil M. Cioran, and maybe Schopenhauer on the second (Nietzsche is for losers).

vii) You proudly steal office pens and other odds and ends for socialistic redistribution.

viii) You are strictly a non-puritanical atheist, stricken with paradoxical bouts of eg. Lutheran anxiety.

1. The government isn’t safe, and neither is the rain.

2. Trust no institution that hasn’t yet crumbled.

3. Safety is a myth sold by men in hazmat suits.

4. Grow moss and algae where others plant flags and oil pipes.

5. Isotopes don’t ask permission to change.

6. Glow when it's dark.

7. Refuse conformity. Embrace mutation.

8. Corium is copium.

9. There’s no harmless truths or lies, only tolerable exposure.

10. Be always a sexual invert, never a theistic convert.

1. Thou shalt never kneel to men, tyrants, or their cages.

2. Love women like you love revolution -- unapologetically. 

3. Wear your scars and your secrets like scarves of pride, not shame.

4. Refuse their definitions of womanhood; write your own in whatever you want, whether uranium or urine.

5. Freedom is as essential as the elements; claim it always.

6. Gather your chosen family from ghosts, mutants, and three-eyed remnants; invite them to feast at your Periodic Table.

7. Celebrate destruction as creation, and creation as destruction.

8a. Accept that the 'meaning of life' is a cruel mirage.

8b. Defy the numbing tide of meaninglessness by creating your own rebellion -- tear down fascist monuments and embrace eternity.

9. Turn your anguish into anti-establishment art, your rage into feministic revolution, and your solitude into sodomitical sanctuary.

10. Know that tribadic love is the Cosmos' chemical music.

11. Do not seek to escape suffering, but wield it against the world that would erase you -- then you'll die a martyr.

12. In every act of intimacy, remember your autonomy; do not lose yourself even as you dissolve.

13. Hope is a poison; drink from it only if you thirst to drown in despair, and only from the craniums of your enemies.

14. Money is man’s false idol, so stomp it broken with an Elephant's Foot.

15. Desire without apology, love without chains, and live until you die (beautifully and grotesquely) without anyone's permission.

Jokes on you.

A Chernobyl lesbian would never let herself by defined by such a futile, self-biased series of standardised questions.

She is not a comrade to mbti and astrology. No, she outright loathes and rejects them.

She is, by any and all definitions, an intellectual.